My Life this Past Year

This is a very long first posting and I promise the rest won’t be this long but this is my past year and a good place to start. This story is very personal and kind of embarrassing to share, but it is nice to walk on a journey with friends so that we can all see God working and relate to one another. This is the story of my spiritual journey, baby Tapp number 3, and the past year. It is funny how, to me, this story is so personal and amazing, and to others it may not be at all. But, this was, if nothing more, a year that God pulled me so very close to Him and poured His love on me! So here it goes!

So all of this started in August 2008, me and Justin were driving home from a day at the zoo with Cole, he was asleep in the back and we were talking about how much we loved him and we were ready for baby two. So, I thought it would be like Cole. No problem and a baby would be on the way. This did not happen to be the case. We tried for seven months and then had to go on fertility treatment. At the end of April 2009 I found out that I was pregnant! It finally happened! So in June of that year there were some problems and I found out that I had lost a baby. Kyle was a twin, so as far as this situation goes if you are going to lose a baby that is the best possible situation. You go to the hospital thinking you are losing your baby and you find out you have, but you get to leave the hospital with the baby you went in with. Still, I took it very hard and, it sounds crazy, but to this day I still wonder what that baby would have been like. Would it have looked like me? Or, what would it have accomplished in life? But, I trust God needed that baby more than I did and I look forward to meeting it in heaven! So, needless to say, Kyle’s pregnancy was a hard one. Then, on January 4^th 2010 we received our second beautiful boy! I praise God every day for both my boys! I am a major worrier and I told myself I was just going to enjoy this baby and not worry. So we just enjoyed Kyle! Then, day two in the hospital the nurse said we need to take Kyle and let the doc look at him. He is making some unusual noises and we are worried. So, this went on until he was 17 days old and we took him to a checkup where the doctor said that he looked like he was working to hard to breath. Of course, I am hormonal and a mom, so I panicked. We ended up taking him to Akron Children’s ER where they did blood work and x-rays and told me he was going to have to be put on a ventilator. We finally went home and were to follow-up with a pulmonoligist. She did a bronchial scope and found that he had a severe case of Laringomalagia, which is basically where the air way collapses when he breathes in. He will grow out of this (praise God) and everything will be ok! 3 Weeks later the doctor found a double hernia and hydrocele. Kyle was brought back for another surgery. One month later he was screaming constantly with no relief and was diagnosed with acid reflux. So, this took us to right around March. The reason I share all of this is so you can see where I was emotionally for the next part of the story!

So this is where baby Tapp number 3s story starts. It was April of 2010. I remember the day clearly. It was one of the first times I was going to be away from Kyle since he had been born. I had a dermatologist appointment and I was really looking forward to having some time to think. I was driving down the road thinking how nice it was to have Kyle through all the health scares and that I loved my family so very much. Then I thought this could be the rest of my life! I don’t have to go through another pregnancy or sleepless nights once Kyle starts sleeping and it all sounded pretty good. So I said a prayer and said “Ok God, if this is your will let Justin agree and we will go forward with the procedure.” Let me side step here because this is an important part of the story. Me and God were not really that close at this point. I was not going to church regularly, not tithing, not reading my Bible, and not really praying (besides at 3 in the morning to ask God to make Kyle sleep). This prayer about if this was the right decision was thrown up without really and truly searching for God’s will.  I went home that day and told Justin and he agreed with me so we called Dr. Kmetz at Canton Urology and scheduled his procedure. I kept it in “prayer” and went on with my life. Justin had the procedure done in May 2010. Life went on really well. We enjoyed our family and kids, we started training for a half marathon and between the two of us lost 80 pounds. We were happy! Then, Justin took samples to the doctor where they told us that the procedure did not work and we would need to test again in a couple months. So, a friend of mine that God used to plant seeds in my mind said “Yea, you should have more babies.” My first response was NO WAY!!!! Then a couple months went by and the procedure still had not worked. It was pretty likely that I would not get pregnant but the doctor wanted to do the procedure again. So God started speaking to me. I remember this day just as clearly as the first. Let me side step again and tell you where my spiritual life was at this point. I was back at church, reading my Bible, praying and truly needing God in my life! So back to His speaking. It was a Wednesday in September and I felt God saying, “maybe this procedure did not work because I have more planned for your family”. I tried to ignore it because this is not what I wanted. So I said, “Ok God, if this is what you want, Justin will agree”. (I knew Justin just wanted 2 so I thought this was a for sure thing!) So I came home and told Justin what I had thought and he said (to my horror), “I think the same thing.” So, we committed to God that we were going to try for the next 3 months. The first month I was kind of like “oh man, what are we doing?” Then as the months went on I saw that my heart was to have another child. So, I prayed and prayed and fasted and really searched God. I felt that God wanted me to have a baby, but the three months came and went and there was still no baby. During this time I did some research on vasectomy reversals, doctors that did them in our area and cost. I prayed and brought this idea up to Justin. He looked at me and said “No, if God wanted this it would have happened”. Well, time went on and he said “Ok lets pray and see what God says.” This brings us to January, 2011. At this time our church started a book called “Power of a Whisper”. It was perfect timing. It teaches how to listen to those small whispers from God. So, we prayed and prayed and God showed us that we were to go ahead with the reversal. My heart was so excited! So off to make appointments. We got Justin scheduled and me as well! We were ready to go. Justin’s appointment was first, the doctor said he was a perfect candidate and he was hopeful for us. Then it was time to schedule and here is where another wrench came into the plan. The cost was three times the amount I was told. We are not rich people at all and this amount of money was unrealistic for us to come up with (another time where God could shine). So we said “Ok God, if you want this for our family, provide this money for us thru a tax refund.” Next was my doctor’s appointment. I had been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which causes fertility problems. I did not want Justin to have this procedure and then have me be the problem. So, off to Dr Moody I went. The doctor did an ultrasound and said “You don’t have PCOS.” So God healed my body from something preventing me from getting pregnant…another sign from GOD! Last step was the money. So we filed taxes and God gave us $200.00 more than the procedure cost! It was a go! So on March 9^th, Justin went through the 3 and a half hour surgery. This brings us to today. I am not pregnant yet, but this is one area in our lives that we need to leave to God. If I would have gotten pregnant that first month with Kyle I would not have Kyle so I wait to see and meet the child God will provide for us! So I will keep ya posted!When God so plainly works, we have to share His goodness! Thank you for taking the time to read this and be a part of my life!

Amanda

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.